The Upside

I feel as if I haven't been fair to the school. You must understand, I really like the actual cosmetology part of it! I love messing with my doll's hair and cutting it and styling it into various runway worthy do's. It's quite exciting and when I simply immerse myself into the work at school I get excited knowing that this is what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life and I dream about some day having my own little salon in my house and all the flexibility I will have and all the possibilities that will come knocking at my door. It's awesome! Having this sense of purpose is awesome. Finally being able to say "this is what I'm doing with my life. this is my plan." is awesome. And even in the midst of all the crap I find those moments in my day where I just have to say "Thanks God. This is so rad."
So This week was pretty interesting. It might have been the worst week yet because I was just so stinkin' emotional. The fact that I feel like I have nothing in common with most of those girls was really starting to weigh me down. Not to mention I butted heads with a couple of my instructors this week. That was indeed exciting...not.
Have you ever had that feeling or been in that situation where you're watcing someone being treat absolutely unfairly but you don't know how to intercede gracefully or how to defend true justice! haha! Well that is pretty much what happened. I was watching one of my fellow students litterally being harrased by one of our instructors and all because she was writing a formal complaint against her. It was horrific! And the entire time I was fighting the old Kristin who would have just caused a scene and been obnoxious while defending a "friend" with the thought that it would be a very long ten months if I did anything rash. I'm not going to give any details but honestly I had this sense of absolute regret when my friend left the school on three day's suspension crying when I could have done more to defend and help her. I'm quite anxious to see how things will play out tomorrow when she comes back to school.
On a side note, I've really begun to let my poor attitude about the social aspect of school affect my performance. I've gotten lazier and haven't been very carfeul to cover my negative vibes. I am constantly asked "Are you ok Kristin?" by girls that I am shocked are even bothering to inquire about my well being. I guess I'm just asking for a little prayer. I want this experience to be a positive one. Really I do! I also want it to go by very fast and that will only happen if I immerse myself into my studies and into my work at school.
I am at about 110 hourse which means I have roughly 90 hours to go untill I start taking clients which will be a very scary endever indeed.

conclusion: I'm reminded of the Monty Python song "Always look on the bright side of life!" And though those silly Britts were just looking for a laugh there is great truth to that entire scenario I think. I need to be proud of my decisions no matter how ridiculous the female half of the human race may get.

Their Own Thing

"Everyone has their own thing." this is what Chema, the heavily tattooed, gorgeous, mother of three, tells me. "Like Mallorie, well she's special." she said with a witty smile. She was right though. She is right. It was like high school all over again except without any boys to make things even more complicated and on top of that i'm dealing with adult women who should know better. I've been having to learn everyone's personality and the reason it sucks the most is that I don't really want to care about any type of 'relationship' with these chicks, but I want these next many months to go by as smoothly as possible.
Now when I first started at school, there were deffinately a couple personalities that I had difficulty adjusting to but for the most part I assumed all the girls got along swimmingly and they were all decent friends. This view of mine changed this last Tuesday morning right before theory was about to start. Rosie, a rather loud but pretty humorous woman came in like a whirlwind as usual and asked "Is it ok if I sit with you guys cuz I don't wanna sit next to my worse enemy." Everyone immidiately invited her to just sit with us but I looked at Mallorie inquisitively and she just plainly said "Claudia." now there is apparently some history there that honestly, I could care less about and its not really worth jotting down in this blog but seriously...these are two grown women with children, like teenage children, and they are the ones with the drama...anyway, The back story is irrelevant but the point is, drama is not escapable. (if thats even a word)

I like to think I am a pretty easy-going girl. I like to think I can take a lot of flack just as long as you respect me, especially if you don't know me. Guess what, these girls not only don't know me but they seem to go out of their way to stereotype me and set of this idea in their head about the type of person I am. I have never been stereotyped so much in my life because of my race. Hey guess what, I'M WHITE! Who Cares!!??? My step-grandpa who is more of a grandfather to me than my biological pops is browner than any Mexican i've seen! But I can't seem to escape it. Could you imagine if I ran around and just started telling acquintances I hardly knew that they don't like something because they're brown, they don't listen to that music because they're black, they say that because they're yellow?! Oh My Gosh I can see the drama now!

One day the girls were just going to town on me. Granted, I am fully aware it was "all in good fun" but everything I said I would get Yvonne, Rosie, and Robin saying things like "Are you saying that because I'm brown?" or "It's cuz you're white." or "Ooooooooohhhh!! What do you mean you people?!" Seriously SHUT UP!

Here was my mistake regarding this situation, however. I made the mistake of simply mentioning, once, in a completely "its not a big deal" sort of way to Mallorie, Dani and a few of their friends that it got on my nerves a tid-bit and the VERY next day, I walk up to school and Yvonne, not even skipping a beat, asked very loudly and in the most condescending voice "Did you get mad I called you racist?" I about died.

my lesson learned: keep to yourself. smile often. don't get close to anyone. and constantly remind myself I am in no way there to make friends.

beauty is pain,

-kristin